Weighing In

So I'm writing this after work Monday night.

Tomorrow is my regular WW meeting and weigh in day.

And, UGG!!!!!

I'm so dreading the scale!

Dang it!

I had lost almost 3 lbs before my date day with my husband to KC and now I've found that, possibly with interest.

As I sit here I'm filled with the craziest thoughts...

"Gosh, I have to weigh in tomorrow.  I better stop eating after dinner.  Really this time I am going to stop eating after dinner.

  Dang it I really want to still eat after dinner!  I really want to finish off a whole carton of Halo Top and maybe some mini chocolate chips and popcorn sounds good and .....  

  Wait, I really can't eat popcorn.  I love the salt and I'll swell up like a balloon!  Shoot!

  Now I really want salt and sugar.  Double darn it!

  Man, I have appointments in the morning so I can't even work out first.

  I better make sure not to wear a heavy sweater.  Heaven knows I don't need any extra weight on there.

  Maybe I'll skip breakfast.  That has to weigh at least 1 lb right?(Um, no.  I actually weighed my breakfast sandwich and it was like 0.4 lb).

  I  feel like such a failure sometimes.

  I wish it was easier.

  Where's my motivation?  I was so disciplined before.  What's my deal?

  I need to just suck it up and do this!  I know I can so why am I not being consistent?

  This is really embarrassing.  I hate having the girls that weigh me in see my weight gain.  They're always nice but I still feel bad about myself right now.

  It would be so much easier to stay home and hide or just skip my weigh in since I'm lifetime and only have to weigh once a month.

  Of course now with my gain I might be back to paying again.

  Maybe that's what I need.  Maybe that would be a real kick in the pants to get going again, especially with the holidays here now.

  I guess at least I'm going.  I know I'm going to go.  I'm going to be honest and I'm going to keep trying even when I feel ashamed and embarrassed.

  I did at least get in consistent exercise this week and when I overate it was typically on healthier foods at least.

  That's better than it used to be.  In the old days I would've just binged on junk food.

  At least now I know my body doesn't feel good when I do that and now I actually crave healthy foods.

  That's a plus.

  I want to be healthier and thinner.

  I want to feel good about myself again.

  I  realize I'm grappling with another issue altogether- I am afraid if I lose the weight I really want to lose I'll have more loose skin.

  That starts a whole new cycle of crazy that I'm still working through and will save for another post on another day.

  But what I know right now is I still want to at least get rid of 10 lbs.

  And I know what I have to do.

  Get my mind in the right place."

And that's what I'll be blogging about soon.

Until then, stay the course!