The Beauty of an Aging Face

I recently read a quote that I really loved.

This is excerpted from Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth.  She talks about the shift in thinking women have to make as we age.

"You could see the signs of female aging as diseased.  Or you could see that if a woman is healthy she lives to grow old; as she thrives, she reacts and speaks and shows emotion, and grows into her face.  Lines trace her thoughts and radiate from the corners of her eyes after decades of laughter...You could call the lines a network of 'serious lesions', or you could see that in a precise calligraphy, thought has etched marks of concentration between her brows, and drawn across her forehead the horizontal creases of surprise, delight, compassion and good talk...The darkening under her eyes, the weight of her lids, their minute cross-hatching, reveal that what she has been part of has left in her its complexity and richness.  She is darker, stronger, looser, tougher, sexier.  The maturing of a woman who has continued to grow is a beautiful thing to behold."


What a beautiful portrait of a mature woman.

Here's to all of us getting better and better with age!

After....

This is my After story.  Obviously that's an ever expanding, evolving and organic thing but here is more or less where I'm at and what I've learned so far.  

Of note I found it an interesting commentary that this picture was one of the only pictures of me by myself.  About 99% of the pictures I'm in are those with my family.  It almost seemed the underlying message was that I wasn't worth taking a picture of all on my own.  However, now I'm conscious of it and I can make a conscious change.  

Without further ado here is an update on my story~

It's been one and a half years since I joined WW and I have been staying around 150 lbs.  

I keep saying I want to get to 140 lbs but obviously I need to finally make my mind up because ultimately that's what all this is for me.  

I have to get my head in the right place to do this and now that I'm a lifetime member I've found that it's a totally different place in my head to maintain rather than really be focused on losing.  

I always heard members talking about how hard maintenance is and it used to make me kind of mad because I didn't want to hear anything negative but now I sort of get it.  

The thing is that the psychology of losing seems a bit different than the psychology of maintaining. 

That's something I'm actively working through.  I'm currently reading books and listening to audio tapes on self help and habits.  

I'm also reading a book on aging right now.  

I think one of the big hitches in this has been my fear of more sagging skin as I lose more.  

It's frustrating to work hard toward a goal and then deal with things that are out of our control.  

Of course I'm 42 years old now and some of this comes with the age that I am.

And so I'm learning to come to grips with it as I am able.  

Inside I feel like I'm stuck at 25.  

I'm not sure why exactly.  Maybe it's because that was just a really good year.  I got married that year.  I was accepted into graduate school and we bought our first house.  

Initially when I'd lost weight I mostly just saw something that really made me happy and feel really good about myself.

Lately I've been grappling with the signs of aging that I see.  I'm actively working on this too though.

The other thing I just want to comment on again is numbers.  

What I find is that people get so consumed with numbers:  What was your starting weight?  How much did you lose?  What's your current weight?  How much more do you have to lose?  How much did you gain/lose this week?  What's your before and after dress size?.

The list goes on and on.  

I think it's okay to share these things and I have shared them with you because I've been asked so often.  

However, I just want to give a word of caution.  

I think too many people get too hung up on comparisons in regards to all of those numbers and the truth is that we just can't compare ourselves in that way.  

Some people even kind of blow off folks that have 15 or 20 lb losses to hit goal as though they didn't have a big loss or struggle and that somehow their work didn't mean as much.  

Not true.

Everyone's pain is their own.  Their journey is their own.  

For example, so often people like to minimize the teenager's angst saying he or she doesn't know what depressed is, that they don't have enough responsibility to know what stress is at this point.  

And yet there are teenagers committing suicide which is just a huge tragedy.  

Lastly, I just want to reiterate what you saw in my Before.  

So often I see people posting before and after photos and it seems the spoken or unspoken sentiment sounds something like this-

This is before when I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, good enough or lovable and now this is the after, the one who is worthy.  

The truth is that while it's great to move towards a healthier body I think we have to come to a place of greater self love in every condition.  

We have to know that our self worth is independent of our weight, dress size, age, number of friends or Likes on Facebook.  

We also have to realize that in each present moment we have within us all the potential to make the changes we want to see.  

I think it's worthwhile to evaluate the underlying desire under the need to be thin or feel pretty.  

If it means you are looking for more love in your life then I think you also have to work on loving yourself more and knowing your worth.  

Who you are right now in this present moment is the exact person it takes to make the change you want to see.  

Don't berate him or her.  

Love that person.  

Appreciate that person.

Bless and love your body temple because it is truly a gift.  

Before...

A lot of people ask me how much weight I've lost.  They want to know how far I've come and what changes I've made.  

So today I am posting an actual e-mail that I sent my WW coach a few months back.  

I read this in my own WW meeting room.  

I thought I could get through it without crying but I was wrong.  

Even now, so much later I still feel kind of overwhelmed with the emotions I have tied up in this.  

This is a story about my Before...

I thought since you're my coach you might like to see a before photo.  I think this was the heaviest I got, 220 lb.  That's what I weighed when I had my son.  I lost down to 180 lb and then gained it back by the time he turned one.  

I was so freaking exhausted all the time back then, partly because he wasn't a good sleeper.  I felt bad about how I looked but it wasn't until later when I actually got on the scale that it hit me.  

For the next several years I just yo yo'd between 170-195 lb.  I was 186 lb when I joined WW.  

It used to be that I couldn't stand to look at these pictures but that's changed.  

Now when I look at this pic I feel so much compassion for this girl.  In fact I just want to hug her and tell her it's going to be alright. 

She was overwhelmed and under rested.  She was so afraid that she was completely screwing up her most important job, being a mother, and feeling fat, ugly and not enough on any level.  

She was also kind and compassionate and strong- stronger than even she knew.  

That girl was the only girl who had what it took to make a change and survive all of the foibles of this wonderful and dynamic life.  

That girl is one of my heroes and I'm so thankful for her.  

Thankful for you too friend- for every time you listen and you don't judge, for every time you kindly nudge when I need a nudge, for all the laughter, insights and tears I am so thankful for my friendship with you.  

~

Tomorrow I'll give you some of what my After looks like.  

Have a Blessed Day!

Speak Life

Just a short post today as I spend time with my loved ones.

This a song and a video I really love.


The song is called Speak Life.


It's a reminder of just how much of an impact we have on one another with the words we use.

Choose your words wisely

And have a Blessed Day!

New Halo Top Flavors!

Okay, my friend Jodie, texted me the other day to let me know she'd found the new Halo Top flavors at our local Hy-Vee.

And so I got to try ...

Peanut butter cup(3 pts per half cup)

S'mores(3 pts per half cup)

Oatmeal cookie(2 pts per half cup)

And chocolate chip cookie dough(3 pts per half cup)

I was going to tell you which was my favorite but I can't decide!

I LOVE ALL OF THEM!!!!!!

Normally I'd go for the chocolate chip cookie dough.  It's always been one of my favorites.
While the flavor was amazing I was a little disappointed that I didn't see any actual cookie dough.  Still, I'd totally buy it again.

If you don't like to cook and you do love ice cream this is a must!

It's a little pricey but it's totally worth it for an occasional splurge.

Happy Snacking!

Thanksgiving Day

I thought I'd give you a peek into my victories and slip ups for the holiday.

I'm always striving for transparency in life.  I want it to be true and I want it to be real.

So friends, here's a look at the good, the bad and the ugly of Thanksgiving Day.  :)

7:00 am wake up.  Already my mind is tooling over everything I need to do but mostly I'm thinking about getting my exercise done ASAP.

7:30 am I've finished coffee and e-mail and I'm on the treadmill.  I don't have the umph I wish I had this morning but at least I'm here!  I refused to get off until it read 3 miles and 500 calories burned.  I didn't run much of this like I usually do but at least I did something!!!  My shirt is wet with sweat and I feel good about myself for starting the day out right.

9:30 am I'm wet headed from my shower and at Mom's house.  Our Thanksgiving dinner isn't until 3:30 pm but my brother and his family are in town and I want to visit.  There are those Pillsbury cinnamon rolls mom has fixed and I have one plus one of my 4 pt breakfast sandwiches.

12:00 pm  My mom has bought a French silk pie, pumpkin pie, and pecan pie.  There's brisket, hamburger buns, chibatta bread, and chips everywhere.  I have a snack bag size of Doritos and a brisket sandwich.  I have to admit I already feel kind of yucky.  Also, if I'm being honest last night I had a piece of that French silk pie!

1:00 pm I'm back at home and making Hungry Girl's recipe for Naked Eggplant Parmesan that I posted previously.  I'm really bucking tradition by bringing Italian but I know my family won't care.  We have a couple vegetarians in the family too and they might actually appreciate it.
As I'm preparing it my husband comments on how good it smells and says half joking "Let's just stay home and eat that and call it good".  I think he's feeling a little yuck from eating rich food too.  Still, we only do this once or twice a year and it has been fun visiting with my family.

3:30 pm  I'm at Grandma's house with our huge crowd.  Mom is one of six kids and 5/6 are here.  It's such a great feeling getting to see all the little kids running around.  My son is playing with my cousin's kids and my niece and it's so heartwarming.
I had 4 of my mom's homemade chocolate dipped peanut butter balls.  For dinner I had one serving of my eggplant, one of Grandma's homemade rolls with gravy, literally about 1 oz of ham and green beans.  I skipped the potatoes and turkey this year because it just didn't even sound good to me.

7:25 pm  I'm back at home.  After I put my son to bed I start making Guinness stew.  It's an old recipe from Cooking Light magazine.  It's supposed to be made on the stove top and literally takes HOURS but I'm going to try making it in the crockpot tonight.  I'm hosting dinner for my brother and his family and mom and dad tomorrow.  I don't think a big enough crockpot exists to make a double batch so I'm making one tonight and got the second set up to start in the early morning.  This recipe is to die for good! It's thick and hearty.  This is where I first fell in love with parsnips.  :)

10:15 pm  All the work is done for tomorrow's dinner.  I got the kitchen cleaned up and am finishing up this post.  All in all it was a good day.  I know I went over but I don't feel bad about myself and that may just be the first time in my life I can say that.  I'm 5'6" and I have been weighing in around 150 lb.  When I was 21 years old I weighed 105 lb.  Back then I couldn't fathom weighing what I weigh now and being happy with that.  Today it feels good.  I'd like to get to 140 lb after the holiday rush but I'm not worried about getting there.  I know that I will have gained weight this week and that's okay with me.  I know what to do to get back on track and going to my meetings and surrounding myself with support means I will.
You know what else?  I felt really beautiful tonight.  Even at my most svelt I don't know that I would've ever described myself that way because I never felt perfect enough, good enough.  Now I feel more at home in my body.

And that, friends, is something to really be thankful for.

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!

Thankful

On this special day, Thanksgiving Day, I am overwhelmed by all that I have to be thankful for.

Here are just a few things...

God

Family

Friends

Good health

The successes I've had so far in life

A roof over my head

Joy

Love

Peace

A great church family

A job I love

Sunrise and sunset

Nature

My fellow Weight Watchers & WW leader, Nancy

This blog and all the friends I've made and lessons I've learned in doing it

All that I have to look forward to in life

More learning

More loving

More living and finding out more about all that God made me to be

For that and so much more I am so grateful!

And for that I say Thank You God!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Religion & Politics

I know what you're thinking....

"Is she crazy?  She's going there?  She's really going to talk about religion and politics?"

The short answer is yes but stick with me here.

As Thanksgiving draws near I've been thinking of and hearing about a lot of drama.

I think everyone has some degree of drama in their family or among their friends.

I will admit to some animosity between myself and some of the people in my own family.

The added kicker this holiday season is that it was also an election year and we have a new President Elect.

For as long as I can remember my own family have been divided when it comes to both religion and politics.

Thus as I grew up those were definitely two subjects I avoided.

I have seen arguments that lead to broken relationships and people not speaking to each other for years, sometimes forever.

That just breaks my heart because I can't imagine, on any level, choosing never to speak to someone I love because of something like that.

I understand it intellectually but in my heart it's a resounding no.

The thing is that it doesn't matter if it's politics or religion or whose responsible for what and whom there will always be a differing opinion

And how many different opinions will there be?

The same number as the number of individuals who witness or participate in any event.

We human beings are, by nature, diverse.

I believe God made us that way on purpose.

We are diverse in skin color, language, spiritual and political beliefs, gender, size, shape and on and on.

What I've come to really appreciate is that life itself thrives under diversity and stagnates and dies in the face of a more monochromatic life.

We weren't meant to all look the same and act the same and believe the same things.

Growing up I remember my brother and I being like most siblings, we fought like cats and dogs.

After my brother moved out we got along but it's often the case that we have differing opinions.

Here's the thing- as an adult who works very hard to be responsible for herself and what she puts out into the world I know that if my brother were not my blooded family he would still be my friend.  He would be in my peer group.

Do you wanna know why?

Because he doesn't always agree with everything I say.

It may sound crazy but I have gotten to the point where I can clearly see that often my focus is narrow and being around people with opposing opinions is an environment where I can learn and grow.

It doesn't always mean I will agree with his way of thinking but it will increase my understanding of where he is at if I can at least listen.

Now I fully understand that in some cases it's not about mild disagreement.  It may be a case of one person really hurting another with their words or deeds.

Certainly I believe in healthy boundaries and getting away and staying safe if there is any real threat to your safety.

But if safety isn't an issue what I would go back to is forgiveness.

You know the old saying "forgive and forget"?  I don't buy it.  Well, I don't buy that we can just forget, that we're never going to remember how someone hurt us.

But I think forgiveness is a choice.  You're saying I acknowledge that this happened.  It was not okay but I'm choosing to move forward.  I'm choosing love.  I'm choosing not to stay stuck in anger and resentment.

Now I don't think you just automatically shift into this.  I think first we experience all the normal human emotions- shock, fear, anger, sadness etc.

I also think you just have to allow that.  I think when you resist every bad feeling you just stay stuck.
I think if you need help you ask for it.  It may be help from friends, family, a therapist or doctor but you ask for and accept help.

But once you're past those dark feelings you try moving forward, not just for someone else, but for yourself.

I also think that just like dieting or any other lifestyle goals we set for ourselves, we may move back and forth on this.  We may find ourselves in a place like we've outgrown the pain and anger and laid it down and done the work and the next day it feels like we're back at square one.

So, you forgive yourself and the situation.  With each new day you get up and you try again.  You keep trying to do the right thing in life.

I've heard the quote that says something like "staying in unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and expecting the other person to die".

And when you can't find it in yourself to put down your burden I think you pray.

I like what my minister said on this- "Can you at least want to forgive?  Can you want to want to forgive?".

Sometimes it's the latter.

So here's the thing, many of us are feeling anxious about getting together with our family and friends in light of the election and probably also because of lingering family resentments and arguments.

I say that just like planning for the food that will be there we need to plan for all of that unpleasant "stuff".

So, what's your plan?

I have actually been pre-planning for this.  I've talked to some of my family ahead of time who I know are sensitive or reactive and I've asked "Can we make a plan?  If things get tense or heated can we just walk away?  How about maybe I provide a distraction or we go for a spontaneous walk?".

Ultimately, I know that I have the capacity to love people whom I don't agree with.

I also know there can be love even when there is discontent.

In fact, I just remind myself of what I say to my own son when he is acting out and having a fit~

"No one can tell you how to feel.  All your feelings are valid and I love you no matter how you feel".

But if it's something that I don't want to be a part of I simply add  "But I will not participate in this with you.  I would love to spend time with you when you're done expressing this".

Can we get to a point where we are all allowed to express our opinions and know that even if we don't agree we're all still okay on some level?  That it doesn't diminish either of us?  Can we agree to disagree?  Again, this doesn't apply when there is a real safety issue involved but you get the idea.

When my son was very small I thought long and hard about how to explain something as abstract as God.  Finally this is what I did-
I held him in my arms and just loved on him.  I cuddled him and kissed him and hugged him for a few minutes.  Afterward I asked him "Did you feel my love?"

"Yes"  he said.  "But how do you know there was love?  You can't taste, see, smell, touch, or hear love.  I mean if a stranger was to do the same thing would it be the same?"

"No Mommy" he said.

"Exactly.  The reason you know it's different is that you can feel it.  You can feel God and that's more real to me than anything my five senses will ever be able to convey".

And nowadays I also tell my son that God, for me, is a lot like gravity.  It doesn't matter if you don't believe in gravity.  It still holds your feet to this Earth.  Likewise it doesn't matter if someone doesn't believe in God because God still works too.

So, I guess this holiday season I pray for myself and all of us.

I pray when there is a choice, we choose love.

I pray that we choose to learn from our differences, set healthy boundaries, love ourselves, our God and each other as best we can.

And if we miss the mark, know it's never too late to start over again.

I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite people, Mother Teresa.

“I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.”

― Mother Teresa


I wish you all a very Happy, Safe and Low Stress Thanksgiving!

A Peace of Grace Please

I have been thinking of what Grace means in my life recently.

We've been talking at church about what the Will of God means and how that shows up in our lives.

It made me think back on one of the best examples of that I can think of in my own life.

I thought I would share that with you today.

Years ago when I was still in my early twenties I dated a man who I was completely head over heals in love with.

We were together three years or so and we were in almost all the same Pre-Med classes together.

I vividly remember praying so hard that we would get married.

My prayers sounded a little bit like this~

"Okay God, I got this all figured out.  So here's the deal- he and I are meant for each other and we need to get married.  See?  That's all you have to do, make sure we get married.  Not too much to ask huh?".

And so I prayed and prayed and prayed some more and...

We never got married.

It wasn't an easy thing for me at all.

In fact I spent my 23rd year of life completely and utterly depressed and despondent.

I felt like God had really let me down and abandoned me.

Now at the age of 42 I can look back on that and say

THANK YOU GOD

Thank you God that we never got married because that guy was in no way right for me and we were both too naive to know the difference.

I wouldn't have the same fantastic life I have today if I had married him.

The worst part is that if I had married him I would've missed out on my beautiful husband and son and that would've been the greatest tragedy of all.

So, to me, that was Grace in action.

And I am thankful for that UNanswered prayer.

I remember that story fondly now because when times get tough and I feel like my prayers are going unanswered I know that ultimately that's just not true.

God's got my back.

Always.

In all things, forever.

Now even when it hurts and I feel lost and heartbroken and I don't understand I think about that experience and I give thanks in the deepest part of me because I know that, even though I may not see it, God has something better in store for me than what I've asked for.

God has a plan.

So when you feel alone and sad, when you feel like God hasn't heard you or answered your prayers remember my story and know that even now, in fact especially now, when you can't see it God has already answered you in the best way possible.

And someday you too will look back on this and see God's Grace in it and know that you are Loved with a Love that passes all understanding.

Have a Blessed Day friends!

On Giving and Receiving

The older I get the more my understanding of giving and receiving deepens.

As my understanding grows I grow and it expands my life in the most beautiful ways.

Given that Thanksgiving is just around the corner I thought it would be appropriate to discuss giving and receiving.

Some time ago I was talking about this very thing with my son and realized it was easiest told in a story.

If it seems childish, it is.  This is the story I told my son.

Once upon a time there were two boys named Bob and Tom.

One day at school they were having a party and, among many other treats, there were pixie sticks.  Now this was a favorite with all the children and they were all very excited.  They were each given a goody bag full of candy, pixie sticks included.  Almost all the children received six pixie sticks however poor Bob received 2 by mistake(obviously this would not happen in real life.  Stick with me-it's for the story).

Bob looked around the room and realized that all the other children had six pixie sticks and he only had two.  And then Bob thought "Geez!  It just figures that I'd only get two pixie sticks and everyone else would get six!  This stinks!  I always get jipped!  I always get left out of everything!  I work hard.  I'm a good kid.  It's not fair! Look at Tom over there, so smug with his six pixie sticks.  He always gets everything and I get nothing!!!  Man, that is so irritating.  I can't stand him and his pixie sticks".

Bob chooses to quietly smolder in the corner, missing out on all the fun, while the rest of the class enjoys the party.

Meanwhile Tom opens his bag and notices his six pixie sticks.  He also happens to notice that Bob only has two pixie sticks.  And he begins to think....

"Huh, wonder why Bob only got two pixie sticks?  It was obviously some kind of mistake.  He looks really unhappy.  I guess I ought to share some of mine with him but I really don't want to!  I really don't want to have to share with him!  This stinks!  He's probably expecting me to give him mine just because I have more than he does.  I don't really want to share but, I could share a couple of mine.  It wouldn't be that big of a deal I guess.  I mean I'd still have four anyway and he'd have four.  I guess I will."

And so Tom gives Bob two pixie stick.

"Here.  I don't really need that many anyway" says Tom.  "Thanks" says Bob.

"Wanna hang out? says Bob.  "Sure" says Tom.  And as only children can do they quickly forget they were ever upset in the first place.  They get onto the business of playing and enjoying each other's company.

What they know without having to express is that once they made the tough choice to give and to receive it just gets better and better.

How often do we get stuck in our egos unwilling to see any other point of view?

Going against your ego is always uncomfortable but it's also always worth it.

Funny thing is that a lot of the people I know personally are wonderful givers but they aren't so good at receiving.
The reality is that both are equally important.  Receiving is just as much an art as giving.

How many times have you asked God for something but couldn't seem to get out of your own way in order to receive it?

Maybe that's never happened to you but I know it's happened to me.  I try to remember that so I can make a new choice.  I think it's just like everything in life, it takes practice.

How many times do we get stuck in resentment and judgement of what someone else has or hard feelings of shame and embarrassment of what we do have?

I've read that being poor doesn't make someone else rich and being sick doesn't make someone else healthier.

I think we have to get to a point of trusting in God's endless Good.  We have to know that there is more than enough to meet ALL of our needs and that if we can step out of shame, fear and judgement great things will happen.

I hope this helps open  your heart even more to giving and receiving this holiday season.

May you be Blessed by both!

Handy Kitchen Tools

When I tell you I've been making Nancy's recipe for apple dumplings 2-3 times a week I am not exaggerating.  

However, I didn't have an apple corer and that part was kind of a pain.  

So after reading the reviews on Amazon I ordered this one which came with a peeler.  

Let me just say I LOVE this corer!  It works so well and I love how you can open it up to get the core out without have to try and pull it out by hand.

The peeler is as sharp as can be.  I accidentally cut myself with it.  

It's partly because it isn't the typical design I'm used to and felt a little awkward.  

So I started wearing my favorite kitchen gloves when I do use it to peel them.

I got the "Glam Gloves" from Wal-Mart.  They're extra long and I'm using them quite a lot.  

In the winter my hands get very dry so I try to use these when I'm washing dishes.  

They were cheap too! Gotta love that.  Having the right tool for the job really makes a difference.

Of course you know what they say?

The best tools in the kitchen are your hands!

Happy Cooking!

Turkey Chili With a Twist

Don't ya just love chili?

It's easy.

It's satisfying and can be relatively low in points depending on how you make it.

One of my only problems is that I love it so much I usually want to eat two huge bowls of it.

So this time when I made it I decided to do something kind of weird.

I added eggplant.

To me eggplant is really just like tofu.  It's pretty flavorless and basically tastes like whatever you put it with.

Without further adieu here is my Turkey Chili With a Twist

Ingredients

1 lb 99% lean ground turkey

6 oz of peeled and cubed eggplant

1 whole yellow onion diced

2 (15 oz) cans of diced tomatoes

1 (15 oz) can of red kidney beans drained and rinsed

Chili spice(I used at least 3 tablespoons but I like it spicy)  add to taste

Cumin 1 Tbsp

Turmeric 1 tsp  (this is so good for you and in small bits you don't really taste it but it punches up the color)

Garlic 2 cloves minced

First I saute the onion with broth(omitting the olive oil to save points) for 12 minutes or until well done.  Then add the garlic and cook another 2 minutes.
Next add the turkey meat and cook until done.

At this point I add my spices to taste.  Then I threw everything else in, the eggplant, tomatoes and beans.

I simmered this covered for at least 25 minutes.  The eggplant will shrink down and really start to absorb the flavors with time.

The verdict?

The flavor is totally unchanged.  It's only the texture that was a little different with the eggplant thrown in.
Next time I'll probably cut the eggplant up into smaller 1/2 inch pieces or smaller.  It will cook faster, blend better and the texture will probably be more even.

I also forgot to add red bell pepper!  I always add this to my chili but I just forgot this time.  I missed it.

This comes to 5 Smart Points for 1/4 of the whole batch.

The extra veggie, namely the eggplant, bulks this up even more so I don't feel like overeating on this.

Overall, it's a win!

Happy Cooking!

WINK Frozen Desserts

Today I went in search of a new dessert product I'd seen on the Hungry Girl newsletter.

Unfortunately I didn't find it but I did find a new frozen treat to try at the health food store.

The product is WINK Frozen Desserts.  Their slogan is "Less is More".

This product is:

Vegan

Gluten Free

Sugar Free

Dairy Free

Soy Free

Fat Free

Nut Free

Egg Free

Low in Points- 1 Smart Point per 1/2 cup serving

I bought the cake batter flavor today.

Overall I'd have to say this really falls short on flavor.

This tastes very similar to Artic Ice.  I could really taste the Xanthan Gum and it just seemed like I was eating flavored but diluted ice.

I am more than happy to spend the extra 1 pt and have Halo Top instead.

Got the cute dish for $1 at the antique store! :)

Still, it's always good to try new things and hey, if you like Artic Ice you'll probably love this.

To each her(or his) own.

Happy Snacking!

Post Weigh In Update

I have to say I'm in complete shock!

I weighed in today and braced myself like I was just about to plummet to my death and she said I'd lost 2.6 lbs!

WHAT

THE

HECK?!

Holy cannoli!

How do I account for this?

In the past week I've been eating TONS of vegetables.

I've been inconsistent tracking and eating more quantity than I know I should but I've been eating the good stuff, um, that is the healthier foods.

Many nights in the past week I made Nancy's apple dumplings(which I LOVE!) and have eaten two of those.

In addition I've also been eating a whole acorn squash by myself each night.

I love them.  They're easy to cook up in the microwave and they're delicious!

Eating these things really helps me fill up so I'm not just craving other junk as strongly.

I won't say I didn't eat any junk because I did.

My guilty pleasure is sneaking into the pantry at night and eating mini marshmallows and mini chocolate chips.

After I finished off the marshmallows recently I told my husband not to buy any more for a while.

I may have to do the same with the chocolate chips when they're gone.

So, life goes on.

I can't believe only last night I felt like I was in crisis mode and today it was such a relief.

Now, I realize that it's not all that healthy to have my emotional stability be dependent on a number on a scale but the reality is that I'm human.

Sometimes it doesn't bother me so much one way or another but I also realize that when I don't care if I've had a gain usually comes on the heels of me having had consecutive successes or at least maintaining.

So the head games continue I guess but I know I'm still way better with the health and the mind set than I ever was before.

And, this is a work in progress.

Weighing In

So I'm writing this after work Monday night.

Tomorrow is my regular WW meeting and weigh in day.

And, UGG!!!!!

I'm so dreading the scale!

Dang it!

I had lost almost 3 lbs before my date day with my husband to KC and now I've found that, possibly with interest.

As I sit here I'm filled with the craziest thoughts...

"Gosh, I have to weigh in tomorrow.  I better stop eating after dinner.  Really this time I am going to stop eating after dinner.

  Dang it I really want to still eat after dinner!  I really want to finish off a whole carton of Halo Top and maybe some mini chocolate chips and popcorn sounds good and .....  

  Wait, I really can't eat popcorn.  I love the salt and I'll swell up like a balloon!  Shoot!

  Now I really want salt and sugar.  Double darn it!

  Man, I have appointments in the morning so I can't even work out first.

  I better make sure not to wear a heavy sweater.  Heaven knows I don't need any extra weight on there.

  Maybe I'll skip breakfast.  That has to weigh at least 1 lb right?(Um, no.  I actually weighed my breakfast sandwich and it was like 0.4 lb).

  I  feel like such a failure sometimes.

  I wish it was easier.

  Where's my motivation?  I was so disciplined before.  What's my deal?

  I need to just suck it up and do this!  I know I can so why am I not being consistent?

  This is really embarrassing.  I hate having the girls that weigh me in see my weight gain.  They're always nice but I still feel bad about myself right now.

  It would be so much easier to stay home and hide or just skip my weigh in since I'm lifetime and only have to weigh once a month.

  Of course now with my gain I might be back to paying again.

  Maybe that's what I need.  Maybe that would be a real kick in the pants to get going again, especially with the holidays here now.

  I guess at least I'm going.  I know I'm going to go.  I'm going to be honest and I'm going to keep trying even when I feel ashamed and embarrassed.

  I did at least get in consistent exercise this week and when I overate it was typically on healthier foods at least.

  That's better than it used to be.  In the old days I would've just binged on junk food.

  At least now I know my body doesn't feel good when I do that and now I actually crave healthy foods.

  That's a plus.

  I want to be healthier and thinner.

  I want to feel good about myself again.

  I  realize I'm grappling with another issue altogether- I am afraid if I lose the weight I really want to lose I'll have more loose skin.

  That starts a whole new cycle of crazy that I'm still working through and will save for another post on another day.

  But what I know right now is I still want to at least get rid of 10 lbs.

  And I know what I have to do.

  Get my mind in the right place."

And that's what I'll be blogging about soon.

Until then, stay the course!

Levels of Clean

Well, the holidays are officially upon us and already we are solidifying plans with our many relatives.

As I started planning for all the cooking and cleaning I will do I realized that I'm making this a different experience because after 17 years of marriage I'm finally different.  

You see I've always felt like I had to do EVERYTHING myself.

Not only that, I also had to look perfect(which I felt never happened).

The house also had to be perfectly clean(which also never happened).

The food had to be perfect too(I've told you about my many kitchen flops right?).  

No matter how much I tried I never made it all happen but nearly killed myself in trying to do so.

I realized that my family has always asked if they could pitch in and help and it's my own ridiculous ideas that kept me from asking for and accepting help.  

So this year I am accepting help.  

I've already got a plan for what I'm specifically going to ask for and I feel really good about it.

I also think they ask because they want to be a part of it all and it's more fun doing everything together.  

So I'm optimistic.  

But I digress.

As I thought about cleaning my house I realized just the thoughts of it were exhausting.  

Then I decided that too was going to be reigned in a bit.  

And so my friends I have come up with Carrie's Levels of Clean.  

Level 1-  "Just us" clean.  This is the day to day state of your house without any company whatsoever.  Here that looks like a bit of clutter and chaos, things not quite as clean as they should be(barring the kitchen which is hallowed ground).

Level 2- Friend clean.  This is the "I picked up just a little of the clutter so there would be places to walk and sit but didn't really clean" state.

Level 3- In-law clean.  The house is free of major clutter and actually cleaned up.  

Level 4- Party clean.  This is clutter free.  The house is cleaned in a routine way and then also detail cleaned(baseboards, dusting etc- things I hate).

A year ago or so I had gone into a spontaneous cleaning frenzy.  

When I put my son to bed that night he said to me "Mommy, are we having a party?".  

"No.  Why?"  I said.  "Because the house looks party clean" he said.  

Boy, how telling is that!  He thinks the only time our house looks really clean is before a party!

But that's real life and we're real people.  

Now that I've realized that I'll never be perfect and would rather focus on just being me this is also going to be different.  

My house isn't going to be perfect this year.  

I'm not cleaning baseboards.

I've decided that I'm going for In-law clean or maybe even Friend clean this year.

And you know what?

I feel really good about that.

My husband feels even better because I realize that when I stress out about it, it stresses him out too.

He's never been the one demanding that our house has to look perfect.

He's been the voice of levity and reality saying "That's not really us and who we are is okay.  Please don't go crazy with this".

I have a bit of OCD in me when it comes to such things but I'm learning to let go little by little.

And you know what else?

I'm so much happier.  

I wish I had done this years ago because what I really care about isn't being perfect and having the perfect house.

What I care about is spending time, quality time, with the people I love.

I care about memories.  

Quality time isn't spending hours in front of the stove or scrubbing toilets.

It's about sitting and actively listening and talking to and laughing with people I love.

It's about showing up for my life, about being fully present.  

The older self I am today wishes so much she could go back and talk to the younger one and tell her to relax and just enjoy life.

I can't do that but I can start right here and right now.

It's never too late to change and there's no better time to start than right now.

What to Say When You Weigh

I hope you're ready for a laugh this morning because I intend to give you one.  ;)


I heard a WW leader recently asking what people feel or say when they weigh in when they haven't had the loss they want to see or, gasp, when they have a gain(so been there done that).

That got me to thinking about my own answers.

I think they would sound something like this...


1.  It's this 50 lb dress I'm wearing today.

2. It's water, um, my hair is still wet from the shower and it's really long and ...

3. It's water again!  That darn pickle!(This one really happens!)

4. The scale is set to read Smart Points, not pounds.  That's just the number of points I ate cumulatively over the past week.  Really!

5. I think you have mistakenly set the scale to read IQ instead of weight(har har).

6. The computer and scale are clearly fried!  This is a technical difficulty!

7. I plead the 5th!  You can't prove anything!!!

8. He(or She) made me do it!

9. It's all muscle, I swear!

10. Tell her to stop stepping on the back of my scale!  That is totally inaccurate!

11. Lies!  All lies!

12. I'm constipated(Also real)

13. I'm big boned.

And my personal favorite....

14.  On what planet???  You may be confusing my Earth weight for my Jupiter weight.(you have to click here to see what your actual weight would be on each planet- it's really fun!).



Finally I'm also leaving you with a quote I just loved~

“Even the models we see in magazines wish they could look like their own images.” 
― Cheri K. Erdman



I hope this helps you lighten up the next time you step on the scale.

Happy Weighing!

Black Bean and Kabocha Stew

This recipe comes from Alicia Silverstone's The Kind Diet.

I made this years ago and loved it.

We've had unseasonably warm temperatures lately but today it was cool and overcast.

While others might say it was a gloomy day I actually loved it because it finally made me feel as though fall had truly arrived.

With the crisp cool in the air there is no comfort food like a good stew.

This vegan stew is thick, hearty and delicious!

The recipe can be found on this website or you can buy or check out the book at your local library.

A couple of things I want to mention first~

Kabocha squash is very difficult to cut up.  I tried using the method I use for butternut squash but it was still very hard.  I think next time I'm going to use the method of microwaving it for a few minutes first to soften it a bit.  Whatever method you use please be careful cutting this.

Also, I used about half of my squash for this recipe.  I didn't want the other half to go to waste or go bad so I just did a course chop, put it in a pan with olive oil spray and baked it at 425 for about an hour.  Keep in mind that I washed this first and kept the skin ON for the part I used in roasting but cut the skin off for the stew.  You can season this roasted the same way you would an acorn squash.  They have somewhat similar flavors.  You can use chili powder or something like Truvia brown sugar blend and cinnamon, eat it with just a bit of salt or whatever suits you.

Next point~ She uses white miso in this recipe.  If you're unfamiliar with miso it is a fermented soy bean paste.  There are several types.  The more commonly seen are red, white and yellow.  There is also a barley based paste which gives a more meaty flavor in my opinion.

The other thing to know is that miso is very salty in flavor so I would not add any salt while cooking and save it for the end.  If you taste the finished product and it needs it you can add it.  There's no going back once it's too salty.

The other thing I wanted to introduce some of you to is kombu.  This is a seaweed.

As packaged it is dried

In this recipe you're going to add a small piece to the stew but then pull it out at the end before eating...

although my husband likes to eat it.

To me it's very bland and flavorless though not all seaweeds are.  For instance I loathe the taste of hajiki.  To me it tastes like I just scraped the barnacles right off the boat and plated it up!  Yuck!
I'm open minded though.  There may be a way to fix it that I haven't tried and would like but thus far the recipes I've tried have been epic failures in flavor.

Sea vegetables are supposed to be very nutritious and the idea is to get some of that in the stew.

Lastly I want to introduce Mirin.  This is a sweet, low alcohol rice wine.

I purchased all of the aforementioned items at my local Asian store.  At least around where I live many Asian foods are much cheaper bought at the local Asian store rather than buying them in health food stores or regular grocery stores.  It's amazing what you can find in these fun-to-shop places!

Again the full recipe can be found on this link.

Here's a peek at my stew~

That's the kombu rehydrated in the stew

I usually place the miso in a separate small bowl and add just a bit of the liquid from the stew to mix it before adding it to the rest of the pot.

I had to show you a picture of this beautiful serving bowl my mom bought for me a few years ago.  It was made by a local potter.  I love the idea of supporting local artisans.  After taking pottery classes I really appreciate how talented the woman was who crafted this.  They make it look easy but it's not!

And the finished product...

It's been so long since I've made this I forgot just how much I love it!  

This also tastes fantastic leftover.

Low in points- check!

Filling- check!

Comfort Food- check!

That fits my requirements.  :)

Happy Cooking!

Taco Lasagna

My mom, my husband and I have agreed that one of my best recipes was the spaghetti squash lasagna.

The taste is so good and it only gets better the next day!  

Don't you love it when leftovers taste even better and you have one night you don't have to cook?!

So I decided to use this recipe and change it up a bit and give it a Mexican flavor.  

I increased the amount of  spaghetti squash using the whole entire spaghetti squash this time instead of only half.

I also used an entire pound of frozen spinach, two cups of the fat free ricotta, 2 cups mozzarella, 1/2 cup of reduced fat Mexican blend on the very top in addition to the mozzarella.  I omitted the tomato paste, grated Parmesan cheese and Italian spices(keeping the garlic of course).  I added zucchini in as well as changing the servings from 6 to 8.  Keep in mind with more veggies it's twice as thick.  This pan was so heavy!!!!  

Ingredients

1 large spaghetti squash

1 lb lean ground turkey

1 whole diced red bell pepper

1 medium zucchini cut into small chunks 

1 jalapeno finely diced

1 yellow onion diced

2 cloves of garlic minced

8 oz baby portabella mushrooms sliced

2 (15 oz) cans diced tomatoes

Taco spice to taste (I probably used two packets worth or so but I like it spicy) 

2 cup part skim ricotta

1/2 cup reduced fat Mexican blend

1 lb frozen spinach

2/3 cup liquid egg whites

2 cup part skim mozzarella cheese

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.  Cut the spaghetti squash in half, seed this and place on a foil lined, olive oil sprayed baking sheet.  Cook for one hour or until done.

Saute one diced yellow onion with chicken broth until well done, around 12-15 minutes.

Add 1 lb of lean ground turkey and cook until browned.  Then add the red bell pepper, garlic and jalapeno and cook for five more minutes.  

Next add two 15 oz cans of diced tomatoes, 8 oz of sliced baby portabella mushrooms, the zucchini, and taco spice.

Simmer for at least 20 minutes until it reduces down and much of the liquid is evaporated. 

While that is simmering, thaw 1 lb of frozen spinach and then wring out as much of the liquid as you can with your hands. 

To the spinach add 1 cup of the mozzarella, 2/3 cup of liquid egg whites and 2 cups of fat free ricotta. Mix well.  

Pull the squash out of the oven and when it's cool enough to handle fork out the squash(I probably had at least five cups) and mix it in with the spinach mix.  

Layer this in the bottom of a 9 x 13 pan sprayed with olive oil. 

Now add all the meat mixture over the top of this. I would place the casserole dish over a foil lined cookie sheet to catch anything that drips over. 

And finally 1 cup of part skim mozzarella and the 1/2 cup reduced fat Mexican blend cheese.

Bake this in the oven at 425 degrees for 25 minutes or until the cheese is slightly browned.  

Again, this version is 8 servings at 5 pts a piece.  

I liked this just as well as the Italian version.  Given the increased amount of veggies I put in this time the portions didn't really get small even though it serves 8 instead of 6.  

It was also super yummy left over.

Happy Cooking!