The Heavy Burden of Shame

Recently I was talking with a friend about why I choose to do Weight Watchers and why I will always choose it.  

I remember the very first meeting I went to.  I felt so incredibly vulnerable, so afraid this was just going to be another thing I failed at.  

But what I found is that the leader and the members were incredibly kind and real.  They didn't judge me because they understood, they'd been there.  

And what I found is that one of the most powerful tools was speaking my truth.  

I carried so much shame about what I ate and how I looked.  It was awful.

But when I could sit in a meeting and admit that I'd eaten a whole pizza or a whole bag of chips, instead of hiding and feeling bad about myself, it was liberating.

What I found were nodding heads and gentle and encouraging smiles.  

And that was one of the best feelings in the whole world!

I felt so free when I left the meeting.  I cried in my car on the way home because I knew I'd found my home and my people.  

And that's why I keep going.  

It doesn't mean that I'm over making those kinds of mistakes anymore but it does mean I won't hold on to the shame.  

I'll tell my friends and release it.  

Do you remember my mentioning that I was saving my points up to have our annual Valentine's Day heart cake?

Well, I did save them.  The roads were icy so I couldn't rush the leftover cake to someone else and it sat here at my house.

And,... I ate HALF of the whole cake.  

And, I tracked it.  

And, the best part of all is that what I found is that the more I do this the less time I spend sitting in the shame.  

I move forward more quickly because this is the muscle I've been building.  

Through consistent practice over a long period of time I keep trying and practicing and little by little it's getting easier.  

Things like this may always happen for me but the game changer is how I will choose to respond to these events.  

And I choose to get back up.  

I choose not to sit in shame and let it swallow me up.

I choose me.

And I most sincerely hope that today and everyday ...

You choose you.

Because you're worth it, always have been and always will be.

~Carrie