What If...

In an effort to stay on track and stay focused on my goals I actually went to an additional WW meeting for support.

While I'm totally devoted and in love with my regular meeting members and leader it's good to occasionally get differing perspectives.

I also wanted to set myself up for success by creating additional support and motivation later in the week.

It was interesting today because, even though the meeting topic was the same, slip ups, the direction of the discussion was a little different.

It wasn't better or worse, just different and that's so interesting to me.

So we talked about all the things that make us slip from time to time.

We talked about the kinds of foods that we usually go for in the fall and winter, comfort foods, and that they're typically high fat and carb type foods.

It kind of cracked me up when the leader said "yeah, you don't typically say to yourself, darn!  I ate that carrot stick or broccoli or apple!".

We're usually going for and craving the junk.

I also read my "When Super Woman Strikes" post to these members who are unknown to me.

It took a lot of courage for me to do that by the way, but it felt really good.

Anyway, most of them felt that what I had written was really easy to relate to.

I mentioned that one of the things I like most about any of the meetings is that when we're in that room we're real with each other.

I mentioned that I actually hate being around "perfect" people and one of the members mentioned that she had never met one.

The thing I wasn't really able to articulate was that, to me, "perfect" is synonymous with pretend.

What I meant to say is that I hate being around people who are pretending to be what they think the world wants them to be.

It seems like we're all trying to do that to some degree, holding ourselves together with band-aids and bobby pins, hoping no one really sees or notices that we're nothing like what we're selling.

Here's the thing- everything underneath all of that stuff?

That's the diamond in the ruff.

You know I tell my son that God made everyone on purpose, no exceptions and God never makes mistakes.

What if all of those things that we find lacking in ourselves are meant to be?

What if we're suppose to express all of the messiest parts of ourselves?

What if there is a plan?

What if that plan involves expressing all the most unique things about us, what makes us who we are, even when it doesn't fit in with what the rest of the world deems appropriate?

What if, by expressing this and standing up in integrity, we not only improve our own lives but the lives of those around us?

I believe that to be true.

It doesn't mean it's easy but it's worth fighting for.

You know the other day I was at my son's school for their fall party.

As I stood there awkwardly, fidgeting and not knowing what to do with my hands I realized that I was feeling small.

I felt like I was having flash backs and that I was the one in school instead of my son.

Once again I felt like the quiet, shy, good girl who stood out in her solitude, worrying about what other people thought.

Then I took a breath and I remembered what I truly believe in, that we're all special and that in every face I see I'm looking for that part of God that I know to be there.

I know that everyone has their own insecurities.

I could see them as I looked around the room.

Wooden strangers desperately trying to figure out how to fit in so they too would be "okay".

I could see the small cliques of parents whose children are friends and how comfortable and cool they looked, at least on the outside.

I thought about what other people might think of me insofar as thinking I might be a snob because I wasn't interacting with the other adults.

We think about what other people might think of us based on our body habitus, how we dress and how we hold ourselves.

And nine times out of ten we're wrong because we really can't know what they're thinking.

Those are only stories we tell ourselves.

So what does it mean to be real?

I think real is who we are without all of those stories, the stories we tell about others and the stories we tell about ourselves.

It's the perfectly imperfect part of who we are that God made us to be.

That's the part I'm still actively trying to unearth and express and what I'll always be looking for in others.