After....

This is my After story.  Obviously that's an ever expanding, evolving and organic thing but here is more or less where I'm at and what I've learned so far.  

Of note I found it an interesting commentary that this picture was one of the only pictures of me by myself.  About 99% of the pictures I'm in are those with my family.  It almost seemed the underlying message was that I wasn't worth taking a picture of all on my own.  However, now I'm conscious of it and I can make a conscious change.  

Without further ado here is an update on my story~

It's been one and a half years since I joined WW and I have been staying around 150 lbs.  

I keep saying I want to get to 140 lbs but obviously I need to finally make my mind up because ultimately that's what all this is for me.  

I have to get my head in the right place to do this and now that I'm a lifetime member I've found that it's a totally different place in my head to maintain rather than really be focused on losing.  

I always heard members talking about how hard maintenance is and it used to make me kind of mad because I didn't want to hear anything negative but now I sort of get it.  

The thing is that the psychology of losing seems a bit different than the psychology of maintaining. 

That's something I'm actively working through.  I'm currently reading books and listening to audio tapes on self help and habits.  

I'm also reading a book on aging right now.  

I think one of the big hitches in this has been my fear of more sagging skin as I lose more.  

It's frustrating to work hard toward a goal and then deal with things that are out of our control.  

Of course I'm 42 years old now and some of this comes with the age that I am.

And so I'm learning to come to grips with it as I am able.  

Inside I feel like I'm stuck at 25.  

I'm not sure why exactly.  Maybe it's because that was just a really good year.  I got married that year.  I was accepted into graduate school and we bought our first house.  

Initially when I'd lost weight I mostly just saw something that really made me happy and feel really good about myself.

Lately I've been grappling with the signs of aging that I see.  I'm actively working on this too though.

The other thing I just want to comment on again is numbers.  

What I find is that people get so consumed with numbers:  What was your starting weight?  How much did you lose?  What's your current weight?  How much more do you have to lose?  How much did you gain/lose this week?  What's your before and after dress size?.

The list goes on and on.  

I think it's okay to share these things and I have shared them with you because I've been asked so often.  

However, I just want to give a word of caution.  

I think too many people get too hung up on comparisons in regards to all of those numbers and the truth is that we just can't compare ourselves in that way.  

Some people even kind of blow off folks that have 15 or 20 lb losses to hit goal as though they didn't have a big loss or struggle and that somehow their work didn't mean as much.  

Not true.

Everyone's pain is their own.  Their journey is their own.  

For example, so often people like to minimize the teenager's angst saying he or she doesn't know what depressed is, that they don't have enough responsibility to know what stress is at this point.  

And yet there are teenagers committing suicide which is just a huge tragedy.  

Lastly, I just want to reiterate what you saw in my Before.  

So often I see people posting before and after photos and it seems the spoken or unspoken sentiment sounds something like this-

This is before when I wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, good enough or lovable and now this is the after, the one who is worthy.  

The truth is that while it's great to move towards a healthier body I think we have to come to a place of greater self love in every condition.  

We have to know that our self worth is independent of our weight, dress size, age, number of friends or Likes on Facebook.  

We also have to realize that in each present moment we have within us all the potential to make the changes we want to see.  

I think it's worthwhile to evaluate the underlying desire under the need to be thin or feel pretty.  

If it means you are looking for more love in your life then I think you also have to work on loving yourself more and knowing your worth.  

Who you are right now in this present moment is the exact person it takes to make the change you want to see.  

Don't berate him or her.  

Love that person.  

Appreciate that person.

Bless and love your body temple because it is truly a gift.