As I started planning for all the cooking and cleaning I will do I realized that I'm making this a different experience because after 17 years of marriage I'm finally different.
You see I've always felt like I had to do EVERYTHING myself.
Not only that, I also had to look perfect(which I felt never happened).
The house also had to be perfectly clean(which also never happened).
The food had to be perfect too(I've told you about my many kitchen flops right?).
No matter how much I tried I never made it all happen but nearly killed myself in trying to do so.
I realized that my family has always asked if they could pitch in and help and it's my own ridiculous ideas that kept me from asking for and accepting help.
So this year I am accepting help.
I've already got a plan for what I'm specifically going to ask for and I feel really good about it.
I also think they ask because they want to be a part of it all and it's more fun doing everything together.
So I'm optimistic.
But I digress.
As I thought about cleaning my house I realized just the thoughts of it were exhausting.
Then I decided that too was going to be reigned in a bit.
And so my friends I have come up with Carrie's Levels of Clean.
Level 1- "Just us" clean. This is the day to day state of your house without any company whatsoever. Here that looks like a bit of clutter and chaos, things not quite as clean as they should be(barring the kitchen which is hallowed ground).
Level 2- Friend clean. This is the "I picked up just a little of the clutter so there would be places to walk and sit but didn't really clean" state.
Level 3- In-law clean. The house is free of major clutter and actually cleaned up.
Level 4- Party clean. This is clutter free. The house is cleaned in a routine way and then also detail cleaned(baseboards, dusting etc- things I hate).
A year ago or so I had gone into a spontaneous cleaning frenzy.
When I put my son to bed that night he said to me "Mommy, are we having a party?".
"No. Why?" I said. "Because the house looks party clean" he said.
Boy, how telling is that! He thinks the only time our house looks really clean is before a party!
But that's real life and we're real people.
Now that I've realized that I'll never be perfect and would rather focus on just being me this is also going to be different.
My house isn't going to be perfect this year.
I'm not cleaning baseboards.
I've decided that I'm going for In-law clean or maybe even Friend clean this year.
And you know what?
I feel really good about that.
My husband feels even better because I realize that when I stress out about it, it stresses him out too.
He's never been the one demanding that our house has to look perfect.
He's been the voice of levity and reality saying "That's not really us and who we are is okay. Please don't go crazy with this".
I have a bit of OCD in me when it comes to such things but I'm learning to let go little by little.
And you know what else?
I'm so much happier.
I wish I had done this years ago because what I really care about isn't being perfect and having the perfect house.
What I care about is spending time, quality time, with the people I love.
I care about memories.
Quality time isn't spending hours in front of the stove or scrubbing toilets.
It's about sitting and actively listening and talking to and laughing with people I love.
It's about showing up for my life, about being fully present.
The older self I am today wishes so much she could go back and talk to the younger one and tell her to relax and just enjoy life.
I can't do that but I can start right here and right now.
It's never too late to change and there's no better time to start than right now.
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