Growing in Heart & Mind

You know I've been in such a place of mindfulness about what it means to be in maintenance.

As you know I've been praying to be open to guidance and looking for ways to be new in this experience.

Recently as I was meditating some new thoughts and ways of looking at this came to me.

I was struck with the analogy of love and marriage.

We all remember the first time we fell in love and how exhilarating it was.

Probably most of us also remember what it felt like to fall out of love, whether that manifested as a divorce, break up or a fight.

You sit back and remember the good times when you were flying high with all the promise and hope you felt in that new relationship and all the milestones you met together.

You recall the first holidays and birthdays and festivals together.

Then, somewhere along the line the "shiny and new" wears off.

Things start to become monotonous and you wonder if you're still really in love any more at all.

While most certainly there are situations where it is most appropriate to gently end things, move on and say good bye, there are also times to stay.

When you stay you start seeing things that you didn't see before.  Sometimes the little things you didn't notice or thought were cute become annoying.

But, if you persevere things change yet again.

You start seeing things in a completely new way and what you begin to understand is that the both of you are seeing and bringing out the whole person in each other, both light and dark.

Then you are truly at the threshold of love because only then do you truly take each other for better or worse.

And what I can tell you is that, even though it can be really hard sometimes, that is the deepest, purest kind of love there is.

You're no longer in love with the idea of what you are, he is or you both are together.

You're not in love with a fantasy.

You're in love with a reality, with a real and whole person.

And that, friends, is a beautiful thing.

But it's not for the faint of heart.  There are trials and tribulations and you don't reach a simple pentacle and finish the journey.

You begin to realize that it never ends, that there will always be hardships but there will always also be great joy.  But through the process of it all you fall more deeply, you love more deeply and you move more deeply into love.

And that is magical, and it's worth the fight.  It's worth all the ups and downs and all the learning that takes place and the knowing that it never ends.

So that is how I now see my maintenance journey.

There is no end.

There will always be struggles and there will always be joys to celebrate but the living through them and learning from them will deepen every good thing in me that is ready to support this dynamic life.

In Joy,

~Carrie