The Good Opinion of Other People

You know for most of my adult life I've been somewhat obsessed with Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

One of his quotes specifically has always haunted me.

The top of his hierarchy was the self-actualized individual who he described as being "independent of the good opinion of others".

I think I've always gotten stuck there because, while this is one of my strongest desires, it has also been the most elusive.

In fact I think this is what most of us are seeking within ourselves, to know our own worth independent of what others think of us.

I guess the question we have to honestly ask ourselves is if that is truly possible.

Intellectually I don't think I can really believe that there are individuals who are otherwise quite sane that truly do not care about what others think of them.

My therapist even said she doesn't think it's possible.

But it always seems I'm driving to find this inside myself somehow.

The scientist in me is always doing little experiments and observing my own interpretations and interactions in the world.

One really great experiment has been social media.

I still don't have a Facebook page but I do this blog and I've finally started using WW's Connect.

The up side of Connect is that it's all positive.

It's supposed to be a safe place to post and to go to for support and I see that.

I actually really love seeing all these brave, beautiful people being able to ask for support without the fear of rejection based on their weight or appearance.

What they don't realize is that this is sort of my own TV.  I think it's re-programming for all the completely fake input we get on "real" TV of airbrushed bodies and surgically enhanced faces.

Of course I get that at work too.  I see real people.  And you know what?

Real is way more beautiful to me.

But I digress.  So what I now understand is that even on Connect you can post and people view it and they can hit the little heart button to either "like it" or not.  They can also leave comments.

On my blog I am able to view how many people are viewing the blog and from what countries.

What I have found is that initially I felt sad and disappointed that the non-food posts were not as popular as the simple food posts.

I felt as though those posts were more of a real and genuine representation of who I really am so it felt as though I was not as well liked as a person.

I guess you could say this is the mirage of social media.  As I've shared this experience with friends what I've come to understand is that this is not an uncommon occurrence.

Apparently friends and families have seen a lot of discord through social media based on "likes" and "friending" or "un-friending" people.

One of my friends also mentioned that often people also feel so pressed for time that when they glance at a longer post they immediately move on because they don't feel they have the time to invest in reading it.

There are also times when my perception is that it seems that people only want the light and superficial, the quick fix, Disney story-book ending.  And I get that on some level and admittedly find myself there from time to time.

But overall that's not who I am.

I also acknowledge that if you only spend your life in examination you may miss the living of it but that's not what I'm talking about.

Certainly there are times when I keep things light but I think I resonate more with self-examination and self-improvement, even when it's hard to look at.

Because I want to be more than I was before and I don't want to miss the gift, the opportunity for growth in each new experience.

 A light and fun life is a great thing I just think that there's more to it than that and I want to experience all of it.  I don't want to miss anything.

While I'm alive I want to really live.  It's like one of my favorite Benjamin Franklin quotes "Some people die at 25 and aren't buried until 75".

So here's the thing~ I've made the observation, felt the feelings associated with it and I've made a conscious choice for my next step.

I've chosen to keep showing up, even if my perception is that no one wants to hear it.  Why?

Because it's real.

I choose to show up because it's authentic.  It's important to me to live what I believe, to know that I've done that before I die.  I think this is part of what Jesus meant when he said "Be in the world, not of the world".

And so, I may not be able to be totally independent of the opinions of other people because I do live in this world.  I'm not a Buddhist monk living in isolation.  I'm interacting with loads of people everyday in different ways.

But I don't have to be of this world.  I think that means we choose not to compromise who we are even when it's not popular.

I think that's not just important for me but for everyone.  And that's what I would leave you with today.

Whatever "it" is in your life, may it be being heard, seen, known, understood in any way that's real to you, I would say this to you

KEEP SHOWING UP

The world needs you.  Even if you feel like no one can hear you and that no one cares, the world still needs you.

We need diversity.  We need unpopular opinions sometimes because those are the voices that create balance and move us forward eventually.

You may not feel it or see it in your lifetime but there are ramifications, ripples that emanate from every real thing you put out there.

If you can't find it in yourself to do it for you right now then do it for me.

Because that is the calling, what I believe is the Highest calling, to be and express every real and true thing that God has made us to be.

And how exciting, how exhilarating, to behold that beauty in ourselves and others.

With Love,

~Carrie