HOPE

H              O              P              E

I'm back home from our trip to Dallas to see our beautiful family.

Seeing them alone was a birthday gift I gave myself this year but there was still rather a lot of spoiling going on.  ;)

It's always such a wonderful thing to see everybody.

Driving back home and unpacking are the longest and most exhausting part of the trip however.

As I type this the laundry is full steam ahead and I'm catching up on e-mail and my blog.

What I wanted to share with you today was something that moved me very deeply during my trip.

On the way to Dallas I listened to an audio talk by Brene Brown called The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting.

I think I always feeling vulnerable when it comes to my parenting skills and I'm always trying to find ways to improve but what I wasn't prepared for was just how much this information so seamlessly translated into many other areas of life.

I took notes on my phone as I traveled so I could remember a few touchstones of wisdom.

One of the things that affected me the most was this sentence:

"Hope is a function of struggle.  When we don't allow our kids to fail we diminish their ability to build hope".

That went straight to my heart, not just as a parent, but as a whole hearted person on this weight loss/maintenance journey.

Think about that~

What if all of our struggles with our weight are actually serving us?

What if they build hope?

Already at this point in my journey I can look back and see and feel every time I've fallen(& there have been many) and I can see how much that contrasts with every success.

All my successes are the sweeter because of all the falls.

They have shaped me.

And, what I'm really excited to share with you is that I feel like I've moved to a new place in consciousness in my journey.

You see during my trip I made a conscious decision not to track and to enjoy everything.

I ate foods I have not eaten in the last year and a half and I did enjoy every bite.

What I found is that I did feel overfull pretty much the last five days straight.

I also found that I couldn't wait to get back home and start nourishing my body again with healthy foods and exercise, prayer and loving words.

But, the thing I'm really excited about is that for the first time in my entire life I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid of the fact that I've probably gained 5 lbs.  

I'm not afraid to eat indulgent foods.

I don't feel shame or guilt or self-loathing.

I just feel happy.  

I just feel like me and that feels so free.

For the first time in my life I felt like it wasn't a diet but that it was really and truly my life and in life we gain and lose.

And I know how to lose now.

And I'm not worried or filled with self doubt that I don't know how to do it or that I won't.

I BELIEVE in myself and I KNOW that I can do it.

I have all the tools and skills I need.  I have support and I readily accept it.

Due to a rather hectic schedule lately I have missed my regular Tuesday meetings and my regular WW crew.

This coming Tuesday I get to see all my friends again and I'm so excited!

Here's the thing~ I don't think this thought process can just be turned on and off like a switch.

You don't get to read about it and just get it.  Oh, I think it may be stored somewhere in your brain but it will only hit your heart when you're ready for it.

And until that day comes you remember to get back up when you fall and you know that in the process of all the ups and downs you are building hope.

And the day will come when you stand at the top of your proverbial mountain and with your whole heart you will give thanks for every single step along the way because without them you never would've made it to the top.

And you understand that the journey never stops.  You never get it all done.

You accept that there will still be trials and tribulations as well as celebrations and successes.

The difference will be the faith you have in yourself.

And that makes all the difference in the world.