Communication in the 21st Century

This past summer my husband and I broke down and bought smart phones for the very first time.

I had experienced a lot of razzing at work and with friends and family.  

I knew once I made the switch it would be hard to ever go back.

I knew that, like TV, it would be addictive but the real reason I made the switch is because I realize that communication is not what it used to be.  

Many of my friends and family would now sooner reply to a text message than a phone call.

Of course I much prefer seeing someone in person in lieu of the call when possible but when forced to choose between texting and calling I prefer the latter.  

I have one friend who routinely doesn't say "good bye" at the end of the call which drives me absolutely insane with wanting to yell "I NEED CLOSURE!  Are you hanging up now?  Where is the "good bye"?!!!

I know it's childish but sometimes we just can't help the way we feel.  

I recall one day my family and I went out to eat.  There was a young couple who appeared to be on a date but the entire time they were on their phones texting.  

My husband, after noticing them, leaned over to me and said "Do you think they're texting their conversation to each other instead of talking?".  

Now I get that texting is perfect for situations in which you truly cannot pick up the phone and talk.

I also get the irony here as I use an electronic medium to connect with you.

I understand and appreciate the fact that we now have the ability to connect with the rest of the world and that there are other innumerable bonuses that technology has made possible.

But I'm talking more about interpersonal communication.

In some ways it feels like, as a society, we've become, as my brother would say, emotionally lazy.  

Maybe that's too harsh a phrase.  

I guess it's neither good or bad.  

Maybe it just is what it is.

But what do you do when what it is is exactly what you're not?

I love watching 18th century movies like Pride & Prejudice.  I think in some ways that's where my heart is.

You see I love long letters and the art of composing them.  

I love sitting down to tea, quiet and uninterrupted.  

I love those still moments when you connect with another human being or with nature.

You notice every little nuance about the room, the ticking of the clock on the wall, the smell of the roses wafting in from outside, the soothing feel of the warm cup of tea in your hand and every magical shift in expression on the face of the person you're sharing it with.  

Some of the people in my life have altogether stopped answering calls, texts or e-mails so at some point I guess you have to realize that no message at all is the message.

I understand we live in a have-it-now society where we value endless work days and feel so spent by our many obligations that by the end of the day there's nothing left to give.  

But, it's sad.  

I think somewhere along the line we've lost something precious, a part of ourselves, of our story and of who we are.

It feels like we've become desensitized or numbed to this loss of connection.

It's become replaced by virtual reality and artificial connection.    

Maybe someday amidst all the noise of technology we'll find balance.  

I remember when I was in my early twenties, before I met my husband, and I was going through a difficult breakup.

My friend Julie sent me a letter in the mail with soft words of encouragement and a newspaper clipping of a poem that has stayed with me forever.    

Given my deep and abiding love of poetry I'll leave you with that this morning.  

After A While, by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts and
presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshines burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
 instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
that you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn
with every goodbye you learn.