Comparisons

Is it just me or is one of the most difficult things to get past in life comparisons?

I recently listened to a talk by Glennon Doyle Melton that really resonated with me.

Glennon just released a new book(which I have asked the library to purchase!) called Love Warrior in which she details part of her own painful journey through addiction, bulimia and loss back to joy.

One of the many things that really struck me listening to her was when she talked about what she believes is the underlying message from society to women.

In her words "I think the world wants little girls to be pretty and small and quiet".

Wow.

I won't speak for anyone else but myself but yea, this is absolutely the message I have felt my whole life.

I have to be pretty, small and quiet if I want to be loved and to be good enough on any level.

It makes me sad that this twisted view has caused so much pain for so many of us.

One of the things I liked about Glennon is that her message is about looking for the gift in the pain we experience or the lesson.

How many times in the middle of crisis do we find ourselves in a place that feels so dark and so lost that we can't see any way out?

So often when we move so deeply into fear we also move into a binary and dichotomous type of thinking where everything is black or white.

In those moments I remind myself of what I know to be true for me-
 the mind of fear is finite and the mind of God is infinite.

We can't conceive of all possibilities but God can and that is a truly comforting thought indeed.

So other than prayer and meditation what can we do to help turn this around and move away from comparisons?

Here is one of the tricks that I use.

It's something that I read in a book by Dr. John Gray called How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have.

To be honest I read this book several years ago and the only thing I really remember is one little line-

"That's for me!".

You see Dr. Gray says that when we catch ourselves in a place of feeling the discomfort of comparisons and jealousy we can stop and say "that's for me!" meaning I would also enjoy experiencing that.

I also think "Look!  What God has done in him/her God can do in me!" or as we sometimes say at my church "this or something better".

I have to tell you that the first time you start to work with this line it feels a little silly and a little awkward but....

it gets easier.

And you start to catch yourself more and more.

At some point it even becomes kind of fun.

Lately I have been able to move to a place of really feeling appreciation for that other person.

For example, I was at the gym on the treadmill running and I noticed a girl in front of me also running.

She was a little more toned than I was and was able to run faster.

Not only did I stop and think "Wow!  That's for me!" but I also just let myself sink in to feeling a deep love and appreciation for her and in my own heart I just blessed her.

Now that feels good!

Looking to people who are embodying what you're trying to achieve can actually be very constructive if you can learn from those people.

How did they get to where they are now?  What habits do they have?

Look with curiosity instead of resentment and you'll be surprised at what you can learn.

Really I also think it's sad that these rotten societal standards and training towards comparisons exist because it keeps us from truly enjoying sister and brotherhood with our fellow humans beings.

How much do we miss out on because we're too busy feeling less than which sometimes causes us to feel resentful and jealous which just makes everything worse?

What would this world like if we stood together and stood for each other to support and love one another because we know that we are all inherently worthy, we are all inherently good enough and we are all inherently loved?

That's for me!  That's the world I want to live in.  :)

So the next time you feel yourself shrinking and feeling less than just remember that little trick.

If you open your heart to it you just may find that those people you were jealous of are really nice and have a lot to offer you.